Catalyst - a person or a thing that causes a change. This blog is meant as a collection of those people and things that inspire, stir up, create beauty and bring passion & spirit to this world.
It's been all over the news that Rihanna has decided to give her violent ex Chris Brown another chance. Brown beat her up in 2009 the night before she was supposed to perform on the Grammy's. Leaked police reports revealed that Brown threatened to kill his girlfriend after savagely attacking her and abandoning her in a semi-conscious state. Most of us will remember the horrid picture of Rihanna's face with a split lip, black eyes and bruised neck.
The world was quick to condemn the man she calls "the love of her life," but Rihanna said she remained worried about Brown. "I just felt like he made that mistake because he needed help," she explained. "Everybody’s gonna say he's a monster without looking at the source. Who's gonna help him?" - From Rolling Stone Magazine
Many have backlashed and called Rihanna irresponsible and a bad example for the young girls that are her fans. But I am really not writing this article to judge. I am writing it because Rihanna's choice has sparked controversy, and it has brought the issue of domestic violence to the top, an issue that is so often tabooed. Whether it is physical or emotional, many people are the victim of it, or carry around the scars.* (some statistics below) Please watch the video of a TED talk, a talk by a former victim of domestic violence, a talk of a strong women who vowed it would never happen to her, but it did. A talk that will inspire you not to judge, but to keep an open mind and be there for those that would need you, and not see victims as weak.
Video: TED talk Jan 2013
Leslie Morgan Steiner
Why domestic violence victims don't leave
Note that I am not making a comparison between Leslie Morgan Steiner's story in this TED talk and Rihanna's because they are very different, and it really isn't my place to judge, I only hope it makes you aware of the complexities involved. Domestic Violence: the facts, the issues, the future Speech by the UK Director for Public Prosecutions, April 2011 UK Statistics
I am getting married in the fall! My sweets asked me to
marry him on a desolate walkway in Venice next to the the Canale della Giudecca
last November. Tears of joy ran down my cheeks and a soft ‘of course’ crossed
my lips.
But people are starting to spook me and I am almost getting
afraid that tears of frustration will run down my cheeks with all the wedding planning
that has to take place. If their predictions are right, I will be fretting
about the thickness of ribbons on the wedding invitations in two months’ time
and turn into a total bridezilla in three. I doubt it. Really. But who knows, I
might have hidden depths I didn’t know about :)
I just keep ‘zen’ with two pictures in my mind! My wedding
mood board consists of exactly two pictures, and they revolve around people,
not things. So as long as I focus on that, all other material elements will be
fine.
Except for the wedding dress, that needs to be perfect ;) , oh and the
photography of course because that stays with you forever, oh and the food – as
a total foodie I could not bear bad food, oh and the music – I want a blast of
a party so I need the perfect DJ, oh and the flowers!! They need to be
colourful and abundant….Oh nooooo, there we go…the transformation to bridezilla
is starting…
Just kidding, I have the essence captured in my mood board
pictures. It’s enough to guide me.
I’m really dreaming of a small wedding, a wedding where we
are surrounded by the people closest to us - the people we love and love us
back. I imagine our wedding as a celebration of us being together and of our
promise to each other; the promise that we will build a life together as a team
and that we will love each other through the good and the bad moments. I am picturing
a wonderful day with lots of smiling people, lots of hugs, lots of dancing and
laughing, plenty of jokes and the making of many memories! Us, friends and
family dancing a sparkling night away! It would make me so happy to see everyone having a good time! So that at the end of the evening I can kiss my love and scream with happiness while looking at some fireworks :)
In any case, since so many of our friends are coming from abroad, I will make sure they will have a good time - and that requires some planning - so back to work and my lovely timeline that will help me through this as efficiently as possible :)
The cover of the December ‘12/January ’13 issue of L’Officiel is incredibly endearing. It features Carole Bouquet and her adorable grand-daughter with the headline ‘famille je vous aime’- ‘family I love you’.
L'Officiel N971 - Decembre/Janvier 2012-2013
The holidays are traditionally spent with family. Be it our biological families or our chosen ones, and by ‘chosen’ I mean friends. As I come from a very small family, I often refer to my friends as my chosen family J – I suppose it comes from a deep need to enlarge the idea of something so valuable.
This idea of ‘chosen’ family has sprung from my belief that concerns the nucleus of a family – the belief that being a parent is much more than providing the chromosomes to spark an existence. A belief that was shared in an article by Christopher Bennett in this winters ‘thoughtful’ I-D issue: ‘How important are genetics if you don’t have someone to provide the love, guidance and support you need to grow into the person you really are. A father fathers a child, as simple as that but a dad is there for his child 24/7. He actively participates in their lives, helps them grow, raises and nurtures them. And you don’t have to share genes to do that.’
So if someone can earn the title of ‘Dad’ by giving unconditional love but without sharing the same genes, I choose to grant some people the title ‘Family’ on the same grounds J
I hope you will all have a wonderful Christmas with your families - however you choose to define them!
Autumn often means rain, especially in London. And although I don’t mind a light drizzle when running, I do not enjoy running completely drenched, hence it is off to the gym. There are few things I find more monotonous and boring than running on a treadmill, so now I just make it my regular date with Ted. And boy, have I had some good and interesting runs since then!
I’m sure you’re all somewhat familiar with TED. It is the non-profit that brings us the videos and conferences with speakers that have ‘Ideas worth Spreading’. It has actually already been around since 1984 as a conference for bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment and Design. So thanks to the TED application on my iPad I can download a bus full of speakers to keep me company during my runs.
Last week, I was very happy to have found the talk made by Alain de Botton in Oxford in 2009. De Botton has been one of my favourite writers since reading his ‘Essays in Love’ as a student. Having been to an all-girls boarding school, and being more interested in studying than boys, I was a bit of a late-bloomer only having had my first boyfriend when I was 19. Being of the very analytical sort, de Botton’s novel kind of made me help sense of it all. The story of the novel is very simple: the narrator falls in love with a girl, is in love with the girl, falls out of love with the girl and then tries to get over her. Nothing complicated, but what makes the book interesting is that he analyses the different steps, thought processes and looks for larger truths in them. Plus, the many allusions and references to great philosophers add to the richness of the book.
Ok, so now that you probably have figured out that I am somewhat of a geek, I hope you will still read on. But at least you now also know that I have analysed and researched whatever I am writing about ;)
Alain de Botton’s TED talk is titled: ‘A kinder, gentler philosophy of success’ and it deals with our ideas of success and failure – especially in the workforce. (see video below)
I am writing about this for two reasons. First, I see many people around me ending their MBA and hoping to find that one job that will bring them happiness, fulfilment and success. Second, I also see many of my friends in careers that would be considered highly successful from the outside (and surprisingly enough in the type of positions that many of the MBAs covet) but they feel a bit miserable and unfulfilled inside. So what gives?
One of the explanations de Botton gives is that we are surrounded by snobs. Snobbery is the phenomenon where people take a small part of you and use this to come to a complete vision of who you are, the dominant kind being job snobbery. In other words, at a first glance people value you by what you do, by your job title. Secondly, we are told from a young age that we can achieve anything as long as we use our talents and work hard enough. This idea of meritocracy is embedded in our modern society and it leads to people never having had such high expectations of their careers. But it is a knife that cuts both ways, if you are successful you deserve it but if you are not, well, then you must deserve that too. The problem with the idea of meritocracy is that it rests on the premise that everyone is equal and that there is no chance involved. In other words, it not only negates chance of birth but also those of accidents, illness or even the lottery for that matter.
Let me also link back to Lucy Kellaway’s article in the Financial Times of 12th of November. Sitting on the airplane coming back from Venice where I had just gotten engaged, I saw Kellaway’s title ‘Marriages and jobs need hard work and love’. Ecstatic with the engagement, but also with the always present dose of realism, I really wanted to read what kind of work she thought I was in for. (link to the article below)
Kellaway starts off with a fine comparison between jobs and marriage: ‘A job, it seems to me, is a lot like a marriage. In some ways it’s better, as you get paid; in others it’s worse, as there are more meetings. Otherwise, both involve a selection process for which you dress up smartly and try to look brighter or prettier than you really are.…For either arrangement to last, the same conditions apply. A decent choice must have been made in the first place, and then it is down to such underrated things such as compromise, mutual respect, effort and (possibly) a certain lack of imagination…..’
She then continues with giving her - quite clever and funny - commentary on a FastCompany article ‘8 Signs You’ve Found Your Life’s Work’. Some of the signs she agrees with, others not so much. In the end, she offers her own – and more realistic - system for knowing if a job is worth hanging on to:
·The people are nice
·The work is often interesting
·There is the right amount of it – plenty, not too much
·There is the chance to do different things
·People sometimes say thank you
Leaving us with the poignant but maybe unfashionable similarity between a job and a marriage: ‘the secret to success lies in reasonable expectations.’
Also, if you would like to read more on fulfilling work, I can advise you to read the book “How to Find Fulfilling Work” by Roman Krznaric published under ‘The School of Life’ series. The School of Life is located here in London and was founded by, yes you guessed it right, Alain de Botton. Even if you are not looking to change jobs, it is an interesting read on a common modern phenomenon of career confusion, wanting to have it all and realising that you often cannot ... at least often not all at once.
There are other important things to say for what drives you, or makes you happy in your job, but some important take-aways for me here are quite simple, yet that doesn’t mean they are easy to live by. Nothing worth having comes easy I suppose:
·Have realistic expectations of what you have to bring to the job and of what the job can bring you.
·Pursue your ambitions whichever those are, and don’t be too hard on yourself. You are more than just your official job title, or lack of it. So make the decisions that suit your situation and you are happy with, and don’t get lost in the job snobbery. Follow your dream and your passion.
If you have any thoughts you would like to add, please do not hesitate to send me a comment on this blog! (also if you like the post, don't hesitate to push the like button ;) )
